Actions speak louder than words – something that seems to be a recurring theme throughout our lives, as we hear the same lesson in various forms:
- It’s not what you say; it’s what you do that matters.
- Talk is cheap.
- Results speak for themselves.
- Practice what you preach.
- “Walk the talk” (If you’re going to talk the talk, you better walk the walk).
Due to the exposure of these sayings and the frequency in which we hear them, I would like to think we have been conditioned to put our money where our mouth is. However, experience has taught me otherwise.
How many times has someone said, “I’ll call you back.”? Then, they don’t. “I’ll have it for you by the end of the week.” Then, they don’t. “I’ll touch base with you tomorrow.” Then, they don’t.
While these are mild examples, they are unfulfilled promises. With consistent repeated behavior, we learn that these people are unreliable. We cannot depend on them with the simplest activities that they, themselves, put on a deadline. It’s like death by a thousand paper cuts, slowly breaking down our trust in a person. And if there’s no trust; there’s no substance to the relationship. We develop an “I’ll just do it myself” attitude that radiates frustration, resentment, disdain, and anger. We build up our walls, as we protect ourselves from exposure to repeated unmet expectations, and we begin to take it out on others creating an unhealthy and dysfunctional environment.
This is not an exaggeration. It happens nearly everyday in our families and our workplaces.
If our leaders believe that feelings don’t belong in their businesses, then they are choosing to ignore natural human functions that are typically the cause of most company problems. Since people all handle their emotions differently, what we expect of one, we cannot expect of another. Does it really matter to me if that person calls me back? Maybe. If I was depending on information from that person to complete a task, it would matter. If it was a social call, maybe not so much.
But there’s even more to uncover here.
When we say we are going to do something, we set an expectation. When that expectation is not delivered upon, it leads to disappointment. Disappointment is a complex emotion, and how people handle it is related to our developmental history, our relationship with early caregivers, and formative experiences. Many of us were not given the tools to constructively deal with disappointment. Instead, we can turn inward and feel we are deserving of being let down or we can turn outward and retaliate against those who let us down.
As employers, we tend to punish the recipient of unmet expectations because they reacted to it with a bad attitude, withholding information, or snapping on someone undeserving (as examples). These are normal reactions by someone who did not have the correct or adequate tools to manage their disappointment effectively. Is it fair to punish someone when their body naturally reacts with a pre-conditioned survival tactic, especially when they probably do not even know what is happening in their own cognition? And is it fair to punish someone who is reacting to an unfulfilled promise or unmet expectation set by someone else?
Little failed actions matter, because they can add up to become big problems.
Unfortunately, many leaders, themselves, are not equipped with the proper tools to handle emotionally driven issues in the workplace. And that’s fair. We don’t become farmers because we love working with people. But people are the heart of organizations. Allow us to help you set up a preventive care plan and regimen to ensure healthy longevity.